YAHOO!!!

it all starts when im searching for someone....
someone that i never thought it will go this far...
im glad God gave me this GUY.
the guy who puts my life on a new perspective..
the guy who motivates and inspire me to do better that i do before..
the guy who makes me spend a lot of money just to get online and chat with him..( that's funny)
the guy that i know deserves the love, trust and care that i can give.
and the guy that i learned to give an importance and love..

my life at 17

so many things that i've been changed

for the sake of happiness,

things that i learned

not just to educate me but to become a real me,
things that i've experienced

just to kill the curiousity

and things that i've been sacrificed

just for the satisfaction of others...

problems that i've been settled

that made me who i am..

i want to be alone

not because i dont want to be with them but

because i choose it..

so many people that i've met

their random personalities

are factors that keeps them in my mind alive..

and i learned to deal with their different points of view and

im not afraid to share my thoughts with them

the bursting feeling that i choose to give for someone,

someone that i thougth as my travel companion but he was there

just for a ride and not for the journey...

at 17 i learned to love witout asking in return and let go...

so many dramas that i've done

that keeps people think that im insane but unfortunately im not..

so many times that i choose to hide my feelings

because im afraid to not understand or to be misunderstood..

at 17 i suffered in unexplained feeling,

feeling that made me so confused,

a feeling that i know that im happy and also the

feeling that puts me in the world of full of discrimination...

at 17 i learned to hide the tears in my eyes,

hiding with the sweetest smile

that would be a sweetest mistake in my life...

can't sleep at night because of the things that ruin my mind..

at 17 i never feel that i giving up even if in the hardest thing...

at 17 my life is full of lie and tricky things..

and get me lost...

but im still here trying to correct

all the things that i've done wrong..

at 17 i felt the feeling that i never felt before

NAKIKILALA KO NAG LUBOS ANG AKING SARILI

MARAMI NA RIN ANG NABAGO

AT PATULOY NA BINABAGO NG PANAHON

MASAKIT NGUNIT KAILANGAN TANGGAPIN, ITO

LAMANG ANG PARAAN PARA MABUHAY AT MALAMANG

NABUBUHAY KA SA MUNDONG ITO... MAS MARAMI PANG TAO

NA PWEDE KO PANG MAKIKILALA AT BUBUO NG AKING PAGKATAO.

someone who will accept me for who i am...

honest and trustworthy every now and then...

someone who deserve the love that i can give...

someone who will be there when im alone...

someone who will fill the missing piece of me...

someone who will make me smile in times of sadness...

someone who will share things with me...

someone who will listen to me not just for the sake of listening..

SOMEONE WHO ARE NOT afraid to do things that he never done before,

willing to learn and experience new things...

open-minded and not afraid to go beyond his comfort zone..

so hard to say goodbye on the age that you love..

mostly if you're not ready to face an age of full of responsibility..

PERO WALA TAYONG MAGAGAWA TUMATAKBO ANG ORAS..

SIGURO ORAS NA RIN

PARA MAGHILOM ANG MGA SUGAT NA GAWA

NG ATING PAGKAKAMALI...

maybe it's also a time to forget all the things that made me hurt and forgive them...

MAKAKAMTAM KO RIN ANG KASIYAHAN SA

TAMANG PANAHON...

happiness that not worth anything in this world..

a smile and laugh that not have a monetary value...

but i have three things that i give to myself as a birthday gift

first is to let go and move on..

ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT MEANT TO BE..

second is no to fake smile...and

third is to BE A REAL ME....

now im not afraid if they will know the real me...

it makes me happy...

its so narrow minded if they act negative...
duh!!!

KAYA KO TOH!!:))

*****************************************************************

anu bang itong nararamdaman ko?

ano ba itong nararamdaman ko?
gusto ko na itong ilabas
ngunit ako ay nangangamba at nalilito
kung paano at kay nino
ko ito pwedeng sabih



masaya ngunit mata'y lumuluha
tumatawa ngunit kabila ay lungkot ang nadarama
hindi ko alam kung ako ay masaya
lalong di ko rin alam kung ako ay nalulungkot...


anu ba itong nararamdaman ko?
bakit ako dumaranas nito?


mga bagay na gumugulo sa aking isip
mga bagay na pinili kong sarilihin
at mga bagay na tumutulak sa'kin na ma isa...


hindi ko na alam kung ano ang aking gagawin
hindi na ako makatulog at minsan ang aking mga mata
ay lumuluha ng hindi ko namamalayan at hindi ko
maipaliwanag...


anu ba itong nararamdan ko?
nalulunod at tuluyang nilulunod ako ng mga bagay
na pilit pumapasok sa aking isip
bugtong hininga sa kalaliman ng gabi...
ang aking nakaraan, mga taong minahal ko ngunit ako ay iniwan
at ang mga taong akala ko sila ang makakaintindi ngunit hindi.
sila!..sila ang laman ng aking panaginip...


sa kabila ng kumportableng higaan
ay ang luha na kusang pumapatak
at ang malamig na hangin na kumukumot sa aking katawan.
tulog na katawan, gumagalang isipan...


patuloy na naghihintay sa umaga
kahit na hindi alam kung saan at paano sisimulan ang bagong araw
na ibigay ng Diyos...


how stupid am i kung hindi ko masabi o di ko man lang matukoy ang aking nararamdaman...oo minsan di na ako nagiisip, pabigla-bigla sa disisyon...
di ko talaga kilala ang sarili ko...


kailan ko makikilala ang sarili ko??
kailan ko matatagpuan ang taong makakaintindi sakin?
mga tanong na pilit kung sinasagot ng pabalagbag
para lang makuntento ng pansamantala...
pansamantalang pumapatay ng totoong kasiyahan...


kailan ko makikita ang sarili ko sa salamin na nakangiti ng totoo?
kailan mababawasan ang sakit na nadadarama ng puso kong ito?


****************************************************
KAILAN???
(sigh)..........
kailan!!!!!!!!!!!
****************************************************

if i were you i gonna put my mouth shut
and
let my hand tell you what is in inside my
heart..
but sometimes its not worth because some people dont understand
what your writing's point and about,
in short it needs more critical thinking..
sometimes theres a feeling that i cant write
because if you put it in words it will change the meaning
and also the understanding of the reader will change,
in short i cant find
the best words that suit to my feeling
so its so very hard to write the statement
that suit to your feeling
because sometimes our feeling is
unexplainable..
i cant write without any inspiration,realization, and music..
inspiration that motivate mo to do this
realization it can be a mistake in my life or the people that mistaken my life..
and music that keeps the mood...
and also another way of exprssing my thoughts..
writing for me is the best way of expressing my feeling and thoughts..
even if sometimes its complicated coz of different point of view...
it just depends to the reader of how they understand it...



hehehheeha .....lol....

tama o mali?

napapagod na ako...
pero patuloy ko pa rin ginawa dahil doon ako masaya...
mahal ko sya, mahal nya ay iba...

di ko masabi na mahal kita dahil ayoko pang umasa na mahalin mo ako...
di ko masabi na dyan ka lang, sino ba ako para pigilan ka...
di ko malaman ang dapat kong maramdaman dahil nalilito pa rin ako...

lagi ko lang nilalagay sa di tamang salita ang aking nararamdaman...
kahit hindi tugma ay patuloy pa rin para lang maintindihan at may makausap...
nagtatago sa tunay na nararamdaman dahil natatakot na mawala ka....


tama bang magmahal sa taong di mo pa talagang kilala??
mali ba na napamahal ka dahil sya ang nagpapasaaya sayo??
tama ba na sabihin lahat ng nararamdaman mo para sa kanya??

mahirap mag desisyon lalo na pati ang puso ay nagdidikta...
pagmamahal na bawal sa batas ng tao...
pagmamahal sa bumabago sa buhay ko at sa buhay ng ibang tao...
pagmamahal na di pa tuloyang natatanggap ng tao...
at pagmamahal na kayang ipaglaban kahit kalaban ay realidad..

haizt...

forever SAD and BLUE...
always FAKE SMILES will see in my face...
and LAUGH to forgot problem..


you're just like a kites, if you don't keep a string on them, they'll fly away;
you're just like a kittens, contented when petted;
your're just like a balloons, full of air and ready to blow up;
you're just like a neon lights, keeps going off and on.


pagkatapos ng mga ginawa mo sa akin.
lahat ng sugat na natanggap ko mula sayo.
pinaasa at pinaghintay sa wala, LAHAT NG ITO..
PERO PINILLI KO PA RIN NA MAHALIN KA
AT KALIMUTAN ANG LAHAT NG ITO..
hindi ako umaasa ng kapalit mula sayo,
ang gusto ko lang maramdaman mo na may taong
nagmamahal sayo, taong nan dyan para sayo....

kaya lang malayo ka napaka imposible na maramdaman mo ito
nakakatawang isipin na handa akong magmahal kahit hindi ko sya nakakasama,
o masilayan man lang...
napakatanga ko dahil hinayaan ko ang sarili ko na mahalin ka kapalit ay ang aking kaligayahan...

okay lang yun,,,,basta ikaw....

sige ah...alam mo naman ang nararamdaman ko ngayon...sana dumating ka na....
dito lang ako naghihintay...

dont walk in front of me,
i may not follow..
dont walk behind me,
i may not lead..
walk beside me,
and just be my friend.....

simula nang iwan mo ako
di na ako ulit umibig
palagi na lang kita naaalala
sinubukan kung palitan ka
ngunit di nagtagal haghiwalay rin kami..


bakit hindi pwede??
kailangan bang isipin ang sasabihin ng ibang tao??
kailangan pang magbulag-bulagan tayo
para lang makagalaw sa masikip na mundong ito??
bakit??bakit??


masakit isipin na ang tao ay masyadong mapanghusga
sa kanilang nakikita...
kailan ba matatanggap ng tao na ang pagmamahal ay hindi lang
para sa babae at lalake...
na para rin naman sa dalawang taong tunay na nagmamahalan..
maaring lalake sa lalake at babae sa babae..


alam ko na ito ay mali..
paano kung sya lamang ang taong
nakakaintindi, nakakaunawa , at nakakapagpasaya..
mahirap man gawin subalit patuloy kong ginawa
dahil dito ako masaya....
dito lamang ako nakakadama ng kalayaan..
kalayaan na ipalabas ang tunay na nararamdaman...


mali man...
ngunit sya lang ang nagmamahal at
nagturo na magmahal sa akin....
ang taong mahilig mag-isa ay uhaw sa pagmamahal
at sya lamang ang pumupuna sa mga kulang sa buhay
ko at nagpapanatiling makulay ang buhay ko...


nawala sya dahil sa mga taong hindi marunog umuntindi
ng nararamdaman ng iba...
napilitan kaming tapusin ang namamagitan...
simula nun hiniling ko na sana ay umulan sa tuwing ako ay nakakaramdam
ng anumang kalungkutan..



buhay nga naman punong-puno ng diskriminasyon...
diskriminasyon na pumuputol sa kaligayahan ng tao...
ang batas ng buhay na kailangan sundin kahit pa
ang kapalit ay kaligayahan ng tao...
habang buhay ko na lang ba susuwayin ang batas na ito
upang makaranas ng kasiyahan at pagmamahal??



ikaw alam mo naman siguro ang sinasabi ko...
alam mo na rin ang gusto kong mangyari...

when i'm alone...

WALA KASI MAGAWA... mga picture na lang pinagtripan ko...hahaha..lol...

EH, EH NOTHING ELSE I CAN SAY.....

It’s so September now and Christmas is too near to come...the temperature turns low...the warm wind changes to the cold one...but this season keeps me reminiscing’ the past that i don’t want to keep in my mind because it makes me insane...im still regretting that i leave them and choose to be alone...but i can do nothing its just for me and my future...one thing that i miss is my special someone, sometimes i want to came back and stay with him, but its quite impossible and there’s so many things that i need to do than hoping that someday you will gonna back and take me seriously..
The road start to become dark and darker, the lights continuing glow brighter...it was raining and the people in the streets are so busy to go home...when i turned my head at the right side of the window i saw the pavement where you standing before...that pavement makes me reminiscing you, every time i saw it im wishing that you’re there standing, busy talking with someone...i was stupid that im thinking that someday you will see me and call my name...i know its impossible but im hoping that someday it will happen...
It was 6:45 in the evening when i arrived at home. I turned on the television and set it in MYX channel, lady gaga was singing her single “eh, eh (nothing else i can say)”. it made me sung, smiled and forgot the problems for a while...
Today im in bad mood,im not feeling well i think i get sicked. I feel so tired now and my cough and cold reminds me to sleep but im afraid to sleep, so many things that entering in my mind that keeps me awake, im so alone and only the past can understand me....i keep imagining the scene that make me happy that’s keeps me smiling while im lying on my bed... im hoping that tomorrow is another typical day...
Hope that im okay tomorrow...

tristan isnabero...

MY DAYS IS OVER

THIS WEEK IS OVER
yeah, its over and yeah, i survived and continously surviving..
SIGH...................
" bakit kailangan pang masaktan para lang malaman ang bawat nilalaman"

ibang- iba talaga ang pakiramdam nang nag-iisa. nanibago ako nitong nakaraang linggo.

pakiramdam ang gaan ng lahat.

wala na ako masyado ginagawa hindi tulad nung mga nakaraang linggo...ngayon wala na ako inaalala na baka magtampo

wala na ako tinetext oras-oras kung meron man classmate ko eh..itong week naging busy ako sa school..
hindi masyado pagod di tulad nung una kailangan ko pang i-share ang time para sa kanya..eh.. ngayon wala naman akong dapat paglaanan...so maayos ang sched..

ahai! BER months na naman..malamig ang simoy ng hangin..

daw masarap na naman main-love..heheh..joke..

pero sawa na rin ako maging single eh,,,

pero pede rin..wahaha

pero wala talaga eh...at wala ako magagawa dun..:((

so hard to be with someone that gonna take as a companion interaction..

masakit yun..:[[

i get tired of this...
thats why i choose to wait for someone that gonna take me seriuosly.

nasaan ka na ba kasi??

hirap mo hanapin??

wahahahhahhahaha!!!!...lol...

sige dito na lang muna....

tristan isnabero

wahahahaha!!!!:))

i get tired of making this drama..

"so, please dont stop the rain
let ti fall, let it fall, let it fall
please dont stop the rain
let it fall, let it fall, let it fall.."

please dont stop the rain...so nice when the day is raining because i cant feel so alone..theres always a noise that makes me alive and the cold wind that embraces me, feel so good when raining....today is raining, God is so good..today im so alone, klast night i borke-up with my boyfriend, that s why i cant able to sleep well..today bad mood monday..then the weather rhyming my moods...so funny to think about that..at last my heart get tired of making this drama and waiting..now, im so awake in a reality..

ngayong malaya na ako hindi muna ako papasok sa isang relasyon, napagod ng husto ang aking puso sa kakahintay at sawang-sawa ng masaktan.. sa ngayon pahinga muna..napagod rin yata ang aking utak sa kakaisip..hehe,,.sobrang dami na rin nang aking sinakripisyo...pero masarap isipin na kaya ako nasasaktan kasi ako ang mas nagmahal..nakakatawa,..mahirap mag-isa, sinasarili lahat ng problema..pinipiling magtago sa mga problem, tumatawa na parang hidi alitana ang mga problema na gumugulo sa isip...kung ako ay nag-iisa nalulunod ako sa mga problema hindi ko alam kung saan sisimulan kaya mas pinipili ko na lang umiyak sa sulok ng aking kwarto...natatakot ako sabihin sa mga taong nakapalibot sa akin dahil mas natatakot ako na baka hindi nila maintindihan at pipiliin na lang na iwan ako...maraming bagay ang hindi ko masabi, hindi ko kayang ilabas dahil ayokong kayo ay magalala.

its so me..

sometimes what we see is what we get...so many things that i choose to hide than to show to others. im the kinda person that always choose to be alone, sometimes snooty not because im mad and sometimes hard to understand.. im not impossible to understand maybe im not easy to understood.. i choose to hide my feelings than to show it simply because i dont want to worry you.. i dont want you to worry about me.. for those times that i always say that im fine, every moment i laugh, and everytime that im happy to be with is just a props to forgot all the problems. when i go home the problem make drown and i choose to cry at the side of my room. so hard to accept the fact that im hiding the reality of my life. im afraid to face it..until now im still searching for the solution to my problem, im seeking for a person that willing to understand and the person that i can able to share my feeling..for those people that surrounds me i choose not to tell you my feelings simply because i dont want you to go..and for those captured moment even if it is happy nor sad it always make me smile..reminiscin the past is my favorite past time..sometimes i choose to write than to talk because im afraid maybe you will not understand and you will go and leave me.. ive tried so many relationship and i encountered so many kind of personalities..first i thought that having a relationship with other is so easy but not i need more patient, more trust and of course honesty. most of my relation i always suffering of waiting even if i dont know if he/she coming back..i dont know i never get ti

red of waiting even if so many times that im suffering to do it but still i choose to do it..because it means that i love you so much..i dont know what loves means but when i love the person im willing to accept the things that he do even if it hurts me so much and i always wait for him even if it last a long time. i dont know why some people choose to commit with and break after a few days, they just playing??so, im not...some reasons they try to commit simply because they dont want to hurt me. i cant accept the fact that they want to commit with me just to not hurt me. for me, its better to reject me than to commit with just for "PAKISAMA"...hmmm..

single again....

since been a long time that i did'nt able to update my blog.
so many things that happen this past few weeks. like what i said me and remjo was commited this august 25,2009 but it ended last night september 5, 2009 and it ended in just one text message. this the content of text message
"Please, ayoko na. Just stop me, nd q lg tlga kayang lokohn ka, ala aqng narRmdaman sau. Sori. At na misunrstood mu cnabi q b4 na "OK", nd ibg sbhn nun is ok tau na, kundi ok pwd tau mgkita d following day, nhyalg aqng sbhn sau. sori tlga, hope you understand, PKIERASE nlg ng numbr q so ul b able tolet go.."
when in was commited with him, i thought that everything is fine, everything is good but all of this is not happen. i suffer almost a week waiting to his response but still nothing happen. i used all contacts with her his two cellphones, his facebook, and his friendster. i send a lot of message i try to call him but still nothing happen. sometimes i got an answer when i call him but its an reason with his cousin that he is not around. so hard to accept that he dont care to me anymore. he just make me stupid of waiting to him. if he tell me that earlier i understand those things its so easy to forgive but it last a week who's gonna accept that thing. but i cant do nothing, now im alone alone again.
fine, its my own fault because i cant move-on with my past relationship but i still choose to commit again with another. in my relation i always wait, i always suffering in waiting but still at the end im the one that got the hurts. so many wounds done by waiting for them, maybe its the time to rest and heal my wounds.
i never get tired of making this kind of drama, i never get tired of waiting but i think i get tired of fooling myself that he love me..ouch!!

isnabero[ single mode]...